On Receiving and Being Received

A lovely, philosophical conversation with a friend today got me thinking about the idea of receiving and being received. I never felt very received when I was growing up, not by my family and not by my peers. I was and am extremely sensitive, a deep thinker, and an even deeper feeler, none of which played well to the grade school/middle school crowd. It was in graduate school, when I met both my late husband and best girlfriend, that I first experienced being received; it was such a wonderful feeling. It felt like … relief. Like joy. It felt like coming home.

A Merriam-Webster definition of “receive” says, “to welcome on arrival, to greet.” Receiving means truly taking in what someone is sharing with you and welcoming it, be it a compliment, a suffering, or a story. And “being received” means having another human witness you, listen deeply and without judgment, and perhaps even express understanding and compassion. We all want to be received. We all crave it. We all need it.

I read once that we show up in the world as the answer to a problem we experienced in our childhood, and I think that’s very often true. It’s certainly been true for me. Becoming a therapist and receiving people in their most vulnerable moments is an answer to the problem I had as a child. It is an offering to the world born of my own experience of not being received.

I hasten to add, however, that it was being in therapy myself for more than two decades— being received in all my messy, inglorious intensity — that proved absolutely life-changing. Having someone who listened, understood, and accepted me with full presence was the most beautiful thing I have ever received. I came to understand myself, which blossomed into healing, into self-acceptance and, I dare say, even self-love. Being received, I learned to receive myself, which then enables me to receive others more fully. We get what we give and we give what we get.

But getting to a place where you can receive and be received is not always easy. Hurt and pain and trauma can turn us inward, putting us in a protective posture and blocking our ability to receive others and/or allow ourselves to be received. This is where an excellent therapist can be extremely helpful. I can’t overstate the value of finding someone who can hold your heart carefully and compassionately while helping you to heal it. Sometimes animals can do this for us, sometimes a very special person, sometimes a spiritual practice. All are good if they lead you to receiving yourself, lead you to love.

And all pain is a call for love. To greet and welcome and listen to someone where they are, as they are, is love. When we are on the receiving end of that love, we are held. We are safe. We are empowered. We are healed. In sharing ourselves with another, we are giving ourselves to them, which is a gift. To receive that gift is, in turn, a gift. We open to one another, heart to heart. This simple act of connection is both powerful and priceless.

I am blessed to have some people who truly receive me. I don’t even know some of them especially well, yet they are receivers nonetheless. I am grateful for them and to them, and grateful as well for those who share their hearts with me. It’s what it’s all about, receiving and being received. It is the gift of love.