The Equation

There is a mantra I saw written on a whiteboard in a yoga class one day which changed my life. It really did. It’s so simple and so important that I adopted it as one of my Core Principles for Living; it’s that big. Are you ready?

AWARENESS + NON-JUDGMENT = TRANSFORMATION

I call this “The Equation” with a capital “T” because this little formula is *the key* for creating a bigger, happier, more compassionate, peaceful and interesting life, and who doesn’t want that? Think of The Equation as the paddle you can carry with you as you flow along in the river of life: a paddle that will help you to dislodge yourself from sticky spots, avoid big rocks, and navigate the rapids more deftly.

The concept itself is simple. Awareness means that you notice what you are feeling, what’s going on. Non-judgment means that you resist the urge to label what you feel or what’s happening as good or bad. So far so good. But the devil, as they say, (they don’t actually say this but let’s pretend they do) is in the practice. 

Refraining from judgment, I have found, is no easy feat. Having been raised in a heady stew of negativity and judgment, I found this practice to be not just eye-opening, but horrifying. Apparently, I judge(d) everything—including and especially myself. 

If you, like me, find practicing non-judgment challenging, I suggest that in place of using a judgmental word (“wrong,”“awful,” “pathetic,” etc.) for something that happened or that you feel, pretend that you’re a therapist and substitute the word, “interesting.” Interesting is a neutral word that allows you to disentangle yourself from situations and broaden perspective.

You see, what you are doing, when you practice The Equation, is separating out what happened from your thoughts about what happened. These are two different things. This differentiation is all-important, and here’s why: Once you judge something, you shut it down. You have labeled it and put it in a little box and there is nothing more to be done with it. Moreover, you have also shut yourself down. You no longer have curiosity or awareness of any other thoughts or inspirations or choices that might be available to you. In the absence of judgment, however, new and helpful understanding can arise. 

Here’s how it works: By practicing awareness and non-judgment, you create space. You provide some breathing room between an action and a reaction and in this space, in this pause, something new can emerge—an insight, or a bit of compassion. And this is the beginning of transformation: moving from unconscious reactivity to conscious awareness.

Where the ego judges things immediately and constantly, fearfully trying to control everything by limiting and labeling, awareness and non-judgment expand and open you to more possibilities, even revelation. Said more succinctly, fear contracts, love expands. 

Transformation is, ultimately, releasing what does not serve. When we drop the Judge Judy robes, what we discover is more compassion, understanding, and perspective in how we view others, the world, and ourselves.  We become bigger, happier, and more peaceful people.

Now isn’t that…interesting.

KATE INGRAM, MA,  is a life-transitions counselor, coach, award-winning author, founder of Kintsugi Coaching and a recovering judger who now prefers to be happy. Her newest book, Grief Girl’s Guide, was recently awarded a Nautilus silver medal and is available at Rebel Heart Books and on Amazon.com. Begin your transformation at kintsugicoaching.com.